Enjoy the issue and may February bring lots of love…and chips!

—hatfield

In the past, touring tournament pros and amateurs looking to find a series to play had to check CardPlayer’s tournament list, Bluff Magazine’s list, the sites of casinos in California and Nevada, and leaf through a few print magazines in hopes of finding the right tournament series. Tourney Tracks fixes that problem and has already saved me some time. The list includes a number of tournaments I would never have known about, and will certainly grow as poker rooms realize that being on the site can help them get players to their tournaments.

With the launch of TourneyTracks.com, being a tournament poker player just got easier. The front page tournament listings start with the tournaments that are happening right now and scrolling through the list allows the reader to see future tournaments and plan trips well ahead of time.

The appearance of the site on a mobile device is particularly impressive. On both iPhone and Android, the mobile version very easy to use. Many sites have mobile versions, but suffer from an overly complicated mobile design that is tough to read quickly on a small screen. Tourney Tracks appears as a simple linear scroll with bold lettering giving the location, date and name of each tournament series starting with the soonest.

Tours like the Heartland Poker Tour and Canadian Poker Tour that are overlooked on other lists are represented on Tourney Tracks, as well as single tournaments that might be missed on the magazine sites. I talked to the founders of the site and found out about plans for future expansion as well.

BLIND STRADDLE: The site looks great as it is, simple and easy to use. Are there plans to add more features and grow or is this it?

TOURNEY TRACKS: We have lots of plans, maybe more ambition than we have time for. We’d like to expand to cover tournaments across the globe, add travel information from a major travel site, deals from hotels and airlines, ride and hotel share information, entertainment in the area around each tournament, and forums for players to find backing and sell shares of themselves. Eventually we may move into listing all of the regular tournaments at major card rooms, but that will be a big job. For now we’re very happy with the functionality of the site and we don’t want to compromise that by adding more information than we can organize with the current format.

BS: I love the Google map features you’ve integrated into the site. Are you doing more with that?

TT: We’re continually looking into how we can leverage current technologies into making tournament players lives easier. The Google stuff was very easy to integrate, and I think we’ve just scratched the surface of what we can do with it. Helps that it’s free, too.

BS: What prompted you to create the site?

TT: We were online poker players and since Black Friday we’ve been traveling a lot more to play. It sucks to go somewhere and hear about a tournament happening a few hundred miles away that you’d rather be playing, so we essentially created the site for ourselves and people like us. If we have a problem finding all the tournaments we want to play, then other people must be having the same problem and there might be a real market there.

BS: How is traffic so far?

TT: It’s very early, but the response has been much better than we expected. Traffic is increasing very quickly and word is spreading. With each new series more and more players seem to be telling each other about the site and people are talking about it on forums as well. We even did an interview for a print magazine last week that will be out in a month or two. Overall it’s going great.

BS: Is this a labor of love or do you hope to make a living from the site some day?

TT: A little of both. We do love tournament poker—we’re our own target market! So having the site up just for ourselves and our friends is nice, but we’d also like to make some money from it considering how much work we’ve put into it. We’re not sure where the income would come from, but the way the site is growing in terms of traffic there will probably be some income from it. We’ve been contacted by a few card rooms who want to promote their tournaments on the site, so we may make a few dollars next month, but we aren’t going to get rich from it right away and that’s fine with us.

BS: Well, good luck. I’m going to Tourney Tracks and go plan a trip right now.

Many authors have played with the idea of poker as a metaphor for life. When the game is also your job, the metaphorical content gets interwoven into your worldview in ways that are impossible for many other professions. In my previous career as an astrophysicist, for example, much of my work involved studying what happens to galaxies when they collide with one another. While one might argue that the ensuing fireworks of compressed gas clouds producing bursts of star formation and subsequent stellar explosions had something in common with my two marriages, for the most part the connections are tenuous.

Perhaps the clearest connection is that we invariably view poker games and our lives in terms of a narrative. What is less well appreciated in both cases is that the nature of that narrative is malleable. If one gets all-in pre-flop with AK against an opponent’s JJ and the board runs K23/7/J, there are those who will wail and moan about getting two-outed. Remind them that they got the money in as an underdog and they will inform you irritably that “that’s not the point!” And indeed they are, in a sense, correct. Because the point is that there are those who, for deep psychological reasons, prefer to write their poker and life narratives in such a way that they are cast in the role of permanent victim.

A few years ago I was contemplating where I would live if I had the choice. I suppose I was thinking about where I would retire to once work no longer kept me in Kansas. Returning to London seemed difficult for financial reasons, cities that I like such as Chicago and Boston have winters that I loathe, and Southern California also seemed out of reach given the property prices.

Then PokerRoom.com decided the $65k I had paid them in rake the previous year should be rewarded with an all-expenses paid trip to Las Vegas during the WSOP. By the time my first Vegas vacation was over, I knew where I wanted to move and had also determined that there was no reason to wait until typical retirement age.

The narrative that takes me from then to now can be cast in different tones. The end of it, in particular, could easily be written as tragedy rather than comedy. Due to Black Friday I was forced to move sooner rather than later. This means my house, which is still not sold, is going to generate far less money than I previously anticipated. I am nearing fifty and sleeping on the floor of an apartment with an eye-gouging Pepto-pink bathroom. Emotionally, the biggest blow has been leaving behind my ancient Maine Coon cat, Zoot. He is still healthy, but too old to make the move. I had always planned on being with him when he died.

If I tried, I could embellish the above with additional hardships, but why would I want to do that? You don’t want to hear a bad beat story and, far more importantly, I don’t tell them. Not about poker; not about life.

Here is the reality: I now live in an apartment fifteen minutes away from the Venetian. When my house sells I’ll furnish the apartment, but right now sleeping on the floor is funny. In fact, I’m finding a lot of things funny; whenever I pass a mirror I seem to have a smile on my face. The amazing pink bathroom makes me cackle. If there is any possibility of rain in the forecast I stay home. My dear old cat Zoot is living out his last few months in a loving home.

Most importantly, I did everything I could to achieve my long-term goals. I got the money in good with the cards I was dealt. With Black Friday and Zoot living longer than expected, I guess you could say the board ran out kind of funny, but I can’t control the deck. I don’t need to. If I make the right decisions and make the choice to write my personal narrative in a positive way, life will be just fine.

Kat Martin is a poker player, writer and coach from London, U.K. who accidentally spent the last eighteen years living in Kansas. The death of online poker in the U.S. compelled him to relocate to Las Vegas – one of the few cities on Earth where he blends.

The series kicks off every year with the casino employees event, which basically announces to the world that casino employees suck at poker and can’t even hang with the flocks of tourists and first timers that come in for the $1k events. I can’t say I’m sad that I can’t play poker all day with a bunch of dealers and floor guys. I’d skip it even if they paid me to play.

About a third of the events are your standard $1,500 no-limit holdem crap shoot with thousands of players, a completely junk structure that starts with 4,500 chips, and two days of work just to min cash for $2,500. I’ll skip reviewing each of those and save us both some time.

Hmmm. I see a pot-limit holdem event again this year. It’s like no-limit holdem, except a tiny bit different. Honestly, when was the last time you wanted to bet more than the pot and it would have been a real problem if you couldn’t? Pot-limit holdem is stupid. Whoever scheduled this event is stupid. You’re probably stupid too.

The Mixed Max event has a moronic name, but it looks interesting. Less players per table as the event goes on, with heads up play on day three. I might play that one if I had $5k to blow. I don’t.

I see they continue to schedule your standard $1,500 Stud and Omaha events, for people who really enjoy playing those games in their home game and think they are good at them. Then they come to Vegas, play with pros who’ve been playing them for 20 years, and donate $1,500 thinking they have a shot. They don’t. Fools.

Four handed no-limit holdem? Really? Let’s take the most annoying part of the tournament, four handed play, and do it all the time! Can we also only play really tired like the end of a tournament? How about getting less comfortable chairs and worse food, too? This event sucks.

Ah, the $1,000 seniors event. Where 4,000 old folks show up and tell jokes and old war stories and make friends and clog up the hallways and the toilets. They really need to make this event happen before or after the series is over so the old timers have enough time to get where they need to go without getting in everybody else’s way. Last year there was a four hour wait to register for an event at four in the afternoon because the geezers event was the next day and they were all standing in line trying to figure out how to use their phones to text their grandkids. Enjoy your 3,000 chips old timers, that $1k will ensure a solid hour of entertainment if you play tight (which we know you do).

Did I mention that there will be a limit holdem shootout? Who the hell wants to play that? A shoot out with fixed limit betting is like watching a turtle race. Seriously, playing in this event should be punishment for the guys from Full Tilt.

“New Event – Ultra Deep stack limit holdem shootout. This event will be attended by Howard Lederer, Jesus Ferguson, Rich Bitar, Rafe Furst and any pro who still owes money to Full Tilt and refuses to pay. Blind will start at 25/50, increasing every seven hours and players will start with 50,000 starting chips. A three-bet maximum per betting round will be strictly enforced. There will be no breaks in this event. All proceeds will be seized by the department of justice and held until the players give up on ever getting it back and then distributed to local governments to enforce anti-gambling laws.”

Now that would be a great event!

The $50,000 Poker Players Who Are Sponsored or Independently Wealthy Championship is back this year. Find out who is the best player with $50,000 to spend on a single tournament buy-in! Exciting.

The $1,000 Ladies Championship will also be happening again this year. This event, which takes all the female players from the seniors event, adds two women who are under 50, and will probably also be played by three or four idiot men who like to wear panties in secret, should be a blast. Not.

There’s something on the schedule called “Doubles No-Limit Holdem” with no explanation from the WSoP. This may be a tournament where teams of two play in the event and share their winnings based on finish position. This is a significant change from standard events where teams are usually of at least ten players with pieces of each other who are playing for the same backing company.

There is also a million dollar buy-in event which is for an excellent charity. Nothing to see here, move along.

I want to know who the hell decided to put a $10,000 2-7 no-limit single draw event on the schedule. I really do. The seven players who know how to play 2-7 single draw, or Poker Your Grandpa Thought Was Lame in 1942 as we like to call it, should really enjoy this event, though only two of them can afford to buy-in. This will be a tough bracelet to get in a two man field.

The most wonderful irony and most obvious example of incompetence is actually in the same tournament. The Bracelet Bounty event awards… Wait for it…. No bracelet! Why the hell would you name it the Bracelet Bounty event if it awards no bracelet? Possibly because you had suffered a crippling head injury or just didn’t apply yourself in school and were never very sharp to begin with.

But you would think that there would be some explanation of what a Bracelet Bounty tournament is and why it wouldn’t award a bracelet. The irony of the name certainly caught my attention and I wanted to learn more. But the WSoP didn’t see fit to offer any explanation about what this tournament might be. There is nothing but a structure sheet. No explanation at all. Thanks guys, I’ll definitely register for this event knowing I can’t win a bracelet, but having no other details at all. Maybe the 2-7 guys will still be playing their heads up battle and I can watch that instead.

The $10,000 main event starts on the 7th of July, it will be the same crap shoot it always is, and nine fools will run good enough to be famous for a minute and win enough money to play the big game for a few months until they’re broke and Barry Greenstein has all their money. Then he will use their cash to buy another ridiculous car. He’ll probably also continue to tell Full Tilt that he isn’t giving their money back. And he’ll still be short. And bald.

That’s Karls Tournament Round Up, sponsored by TourneyTracks.com, the official site of giving Karl Tepley $100 to write an article every month. Look for my Tournament Round Up in future issues as long I get my money.

Helping players to answer that question has always been my primary teaching objective. Of course, before you can answer that question, you have to ask it, and far too many players never seriously ask it. Instead of analyzing their own play, they blame their disappointing results on bad luck, other players’ stupidity, and so on.

Self-analysis has been a central subject in the seminars that Chris Wallace, Adam Stemple, and I conducted in Reno and Las Vegas, and they have graciously invited me to present an excerpt from my next book here.

It just was published for Kindle, and versions for Barnes & Noble Nook and Apple’s iBookStore will soon appear. The paper copy will come out about March 15.

The title is The Poker Party is Over: What Will You Do Now? Its theme is that the end of the party will make ALL games tougher because there will be fewer new players. It applies the Darwinian evolutionary principle that I discussed in Your Worst Poker Enemy:

“Charles Darwin never played poker, but his principles fit our game. He argued that life is always competitive, and that the competition gets continuously tougher. Because conditions change, only the organisms that adapt well can survive, and the survivors become stronger competitors for food, mates, and everything else.

“The same sort of evolution has occurred and will continue to occur in poker, but it happens much faster… The losers go broke, get discouraged, or quit playing for other reasons… Because the weakest players leave, and the survivors improve, the competition will continuously intensify, and only players who adapt well can survive. As Darwin noted, it is ‘survival of the fittest…’

“Evolution never stops; it just changes the way it operates… Since the competition will get tougher, you must continue to learn. If you play the same way tomorrow that you do today, your results will slowly deteriorate.”¹

Excerpt:

Every biologist understands the Food Chain Principle. ALL, repeat ALL, animal life depends ultimately upon the bottom of the food chain. If the microorganisms that feed the next level disappear, every creature above them starves. If the little fish can’t eat, they die, and so do the progressively larger fish that eat each other. Newbies are the bottom of our food chain. Without them, everybody starves.

The online players switching to live games have the most pressing problems, but virtually everyone will face tougher games. You may not want to believe it, but you had better accept and prepare for the new reality. Otherwise, you’ll be a victim.

IS A LACK OF STRATEGIC KNOWLEDGE YOUR BIGGEST PROBLEM?

Nope, it may be a problem, but it’s not your biggest one. Every player often fails to use the strategic knowledge he already has. If you doubt me, just answer three questions:

• Do you know that you should not play certain cards?
• Do you sometimes play them?
• Does everyone make the same mistake?

I could ask similar questions about many other poker decisions, but why bother? You know you often don’t apply your knowledge. My books won’t teach you more strategy. If you want to learn strategy, read books by Chris, Adam, and many others. I will just help you apply the knowledge you already have. Unfortunately, you’ll always make many mistakes.

Why?

Because you’re a human being. Everybody makes mistakes, and many of yours are caused by your motives, emotions, and mindset.

This book discusses issues that most poker writers ignore such as guilt, fears, fearlessness, emotional control, and creating a winning mindset. You’ll learn how you really think and feel, how your thoughts and feelings affect your decisions, and how to use those new insights. So you’ll make fewer mistakes, but you’ll never play error-free poker.

“AT THE TABLE, YOUR WORST ENEMY IS YOURSELF.”²

That quotation is from Stu Ungar, history’s greatest no-limit tournament player. My book, Your Worst Poker Enemy, began with that quotation. It’s been generally well-reviewed, sells well in English, and has been translated into French, Portuguese, and Russian. But some people dislike it because it emphasizes looking hard at yourself.

That book’s basic premise is that you are responsible for your results. If they are disappointing, it’s your fault. Until you accept that responsibility, you’re helpless. You can’t overcome your weaknesses and develop yourself. Far too many players reject this attitude. They insist that they do poorly because of bad luck and other people’s mistakes, not their own.

Some readers also disliked my emphasis upon self-analysis. They greatly prefer to study their opponents’ weakness. I emphatically disagree because self-analysis is more valuable. Do you gain more by studying an opponent you encounter several times a week or one you see only twice a year? You obviously gain more from studying the frequent opponent. However, over the year you play against hundreds of opponents, so less than 1% of a year’s pots will be played against any one individual.

But you are involved in every pot you play. Your strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, feelings, and so on have at least one hundred times as much impact on your annual results as that opponent’s characteristics. The time spent analysing yourself will therefore yield much greater benefits than an equal amount of time spent analysing anyone else.

You may intensely dislike thoroughly examining yourself. You may resent my asking so many questions that you can’t or don’t want to answer. But if you really want to develop yourself, you can’t afford the luxury of doing only what you want to do. Because the games are getting tougher, you have to be tougher on yourself. The time and discomfort you’ll invest will do more to improve your results than anything else you can do.

DO YOU NEED A COACH?

A coach will certainly help, but is probably not absolutely necessary. Some friends pay high fees to personal trainers to get healthier. They usually pay that money – not for advice – but to push them to do what they already knew they should do; eat healthier, exercise regularly, and so on. They needed somebody to provide the discipline, to nag, nag, nag.

Since I’m a coach, I certainly won’t say you shouldn’t hire one. But make sure that you get value for your money. If you need professional guidance, get it from the right coach, one who has the expertise you need. You can’t know what kind of help you need without asking yourself the kinds of questions you’ll get here.

If all you need is discipline, agree with a friend to discipline each other. You can nag each other much more frequently and cheaply than you can meet with a coach for nagging sessions.

DON’T BUY THE KISS MYTH

The KISS formula, “Keep It Simple, Stupid,” is very popular because people want to believe that it’s easy to beat poker. Some books and gurus sell snake oil to gullible people.

Their customers are looking for a magic formula, but there isn’t one, and looking for it virtually guarantees failure. As Mason Malmuth put it, “If you do not have a good understanding of poker’s complexity, it is easy to fall into what has been called the ‘magic formula trap.’” If you fall into it, you’ll waste time looking for the “Ten Sure Steps to Poker Profits,” but they don’t exist.

“ALWAYS PLAY YOUR A-GAME”

You have certainly heard and read that many times, but it’s a silly statement, a variant on the KISS formula. It’s absolutely impossible to play your A-game every time. All you can do is try to play your A-game, and learn what prevents you from doing it. That’s what my books are all about. Then, when you see that you’re playing badly, you can either fix your leaks or recognize, “I don’t have it tonight,” and go home.

DIAGNOSIS MUST COME FIRST

This book emphasizes diagnosis. It will help you to understand why your results are unsatisfying, and then make recommendations that fit your unique combination of assets, liabilities, motives, emotions, and mindset.

You probably won’t enjoy answering the dozens of questions, but there is no other way to determine what you should do to improve your poker. If you skip this diagnostic step, you will probably make one or more of the following self-development mistakes.

Inaccurately Assess Your Strengths and Weaknesses

Very few players clearly understand their strengths and weaknesses. In fact, many losers think they play well. They either don’t know how much they lose or don’t understand why. Even if you’re a winning player, you may not know why you don’t win as much as you’d like. The forces preventing you from accurately assessing yourself are extremely powerful, especially your desire to believe you’re a good player.

Overestimate Your Ability to Improve

Most people – not just poker players – overestimate their ability to improve. This natural tendency is reinforced by the repetition of nonsense such as, “You can be anything you want to be.”

No, you can’t! Your genes and personal history have created extreme limits on your potential. For example, nothing will greatly increase your intelligence. Drugs, diet, and mental and physical exercise may help, but large improvements almost never occur. And the drugs almost certainly have unknown long-term risks. Nor can you greatly change your motivation or most other personal traits. They’re like your cards. You have to play the ones you’re dealt. So learn how to play them well. Work on what you can improve: your knowledge, skills, and discipline.

Working On the Wrong Issues

Even if you accept these limitations, you may work on issues that won’t help you much.

Issues that don’t fit your level: Many people study techniques that are much too advanced for them. They either haven’t mastered more basic techniques, or the advanced techniques don’t fit their games. For example, if you’re playing no fold’em hold’em, many advanced plays will cost you money. You’ll gain much more by thoroughly understanding and developing the discipline to play ABC poker.

Issues that make you comfortable: You may not realize that you’ll gain more by working on your weaknesses than on your strengths. People work on their strengths at least partly because they enjoy the process. For example, math nerds who can’t read other players study advanced math, while naturally sensitive people work on reading tells. They may rationalize that they need to get even better, but their primary reason is that it’s more comfortable to work on these subjects.

Improving your strengths will improve your bottom line, but you’ll gain much more from an equal investment of time and money in overcoming weaknesses. You can make much larger improvements in your weakness than in your strengths.

FINAL REMARKS

You probably won’t enjoy some parts of the book. They will ask questions you don’t want to answer, and provide information about yourself that you don’t want to know. It’s much more comfortable to believe in cherished illusions than to face up to unpleasant facts.

But – if you are honest and thorough – you’ll end with a clearer picture of yourself and a clearer understanding of what you should do differently than you’ve ever had. Then you can make good plans to develop yourself.

A few years later, when I was a young man in the Marine Corps, I started playing casually four or five times a year. I was playing with other people who “knew” how to play exactly as well as I did. The winner of these games was always the one who drank the least and therefore passed out last. While this can prove to be a money winning strategy for someone with self discipline, it never worked for me.

Fast forward 20+ years to a middle aged man with a family and a good career. I have rediscovered poker in a way that I have never experienced before. I am learning to play real poker with real poker players. It is exactly the kind of challenge that I crave. And my wife supports it more than any other middle aged endeavor that she can think of (assuming that I’m NOT going to take up cleaning the bathroom and vacuuming as my middle age crisis).

I started playing $.25/$.50 no limit Hold ‘em and PLO H/L on Poker Stars, but we all know what happened there. Currently, I am involved in a monthly pot limit mixed game. I also play a lot of $2-$60 spread limit hold ‘em and tournaments in various poker rooms around the Twin Cities. I find that my poker bankroll continues to slowly grow, yet I obsess about the hands that I’ve played poorly.

I would like to take these obsessions, turn them into lessons and share them with you in this column. I will be writing about everything from the subjugation of ego to the danger of slow playing at the wrong time. At no time will this column claim that I am an expert. On the contrary, it is here to illuminate some of the pitfalls that I have fallen into. I will draw my own conclusions about what I could have done better, but you might very well come to a completely different decision. That ambiguity is part of what is great about poker. Even if you are there, understanding the 4 hour history of the table, watching every eye twitch and slow roll, seeing who makes a bluff work and who’s afraid to try, you still can’t really know what would have happened if you would have changed a single aspect of your play.

On the other side of the coin, I would also like to share some of the things that I might have done right.  There is a business adage that states that, “while it’s good to be successful, it is imperative to know why. Otherwise, it’s not repeatable”. I believe in this wholeheartedly. If I get lucky and make the right play once, it might make me $100. If I successfully add that play to my poker bag-of-tricks I can make money with it over and over.

Hopefully, between the failures and the successes, we can all improve our games.

Until the next article, enjoy yourselves and play well.

(Next article: “Learning the hard way that even loose players get good hands”)

Dave Nourse is a former Marine with an M.I.S degree who describes himself as both “very good looking” and an “uber-liberal socialist scum.” We’ve seen his picture, so we know at least one of those statements is a bald-faced lie.

First off, teams have enough games under their belt that it’s easier to fine-tune power ratings. Secondly, you can get a good sense of a team’s style of play by this point. New coaches, for example, can change what had been a slow, defensive-oriented team from a year ago into a wide-open, run-and-gun style. This is evident in team scoring averages and can even be noticeable in over/unders from season to season.

Thirdly, scheduling comes into play, as professional handicappers pay close attention to who a team is playing, who that team played last week and who that team will be playing the following week. It may sound like a confusing Abbott and Costello routine on football, but it’s important to grasp (whether it’s a rivalry game, a cupcake, or an important conference clash).

Early season games feature a lot of non-conference action. Non-conference play finds many examples of big-name schools against little-name ones, which can mean enormous point spreads. Last season, Duke of the ACC was a 30-point favorite over NC Greensboro, Kansas was a 19-point favorite over Pacific, and defending champion UConn of the Big East was a 29-point favorite over Florida International of the Sun Belt. It’s easier from a statistical and matchup point of view to compare conference foes than it is to compare non-conference opponents, such as the ones just mentioned.

Here are some points to keep in mind as college basketball teams face off more and more in conference play:

1. Importance: Conference games, in a sense, are more important and can help struggling teams start over in mid-season. Temple under Jon Chaney was known for playing a tough early-season non-conference schedule, and they often get tagged with more losses than wins. However, the Owls, and many other teams, can start fresh when conference play begins knowing they can still be champions even if they’ve thus far struggled. A team off to a bad start might not be bad, either. Conference play offers a time to wipe the slate clean.
2. Familiarity: Teams will face their conference opponents two and three times a season. From season to season, players and coaches get a much better understanding of their opponents’ tendencies and strategies – and how to take advantage.
3. Evenly Matched: A purpose of conference play is to match up similar size schools so athletic play will be competitive. Most teams are more evenly matched within their own conference.
4. History: An advantage for sports bettors is to examine the recent history of the teams. In the ACC, you can see how Duke, North Carolina and Maryland have fared against each other the last few years. Is there a distinct home/road differential? Does one team “own” another? Is this a revenge situation? Carefully eyeing the past can reveal clues about the present and future.
5. Defense: Late in the season, if two college basketball foes are battling each other for the lead in the conference, a head to head matchup can bring out the best in their defenses. If you like to play totals, this is a significant edge. Totals can offer as many winning opportunities as sides, sometimes even more so. It’s not about predicting the winner of the game, but only the winning ticket against the oddsmaker.

Jim Feist has been the recognized leader for decades in the sports information and gaming industries. His endeavors include websites, providing sports information worldwide, poker tournaments, and being the principal panelist on PRO LINE, America’s premier handicapping television/web show. Jim has served as a professional consultant to the New York State Lottery and appeared on television programs ranging from ESPN’s “Inside Football” and “Sports Center” to CNN’s esteemed “Crossfire.” In the 2005 World Series of Poker he finished 426 out of 5,600 participants and finished second in the 2010 Bookmaker.com basketball handicapping contest. Success is in the details and Jim Feist measures success not by the sports season, but by the decade.

The Department of Justice has decided that online poker doesn’t break the law according to the Wire Act of 1961. No shit? You mean a law from 30 years before the internet doesn’t apply to the internet? You mean to tell me that a law that only mentions sports betting doesn’t apply to playing poker? Next you’ll be telling us that seat belt laws don’t apply to motorcycles or that it’s not illegal to sell morphine as long as you’re a pharmacist.

News flash for the idiots at the DoJ: no one ever believed that the Wire Act applied to anything involving poker or the internet, and the fact that you told us it would apply just pointed out that you don’t enforce or even follow the laws, you just make them up as you go along. Either that or the department is run by a bunch of retarded monkeys who don’t know the difference between a telephone call and the internet.

The first bit of bad news is that online poker will probably come back state by state. This is bad news if you live in Utah or Kentucky, where they’ll probably never bring online poker in, as well as states that have lots of lobbying money from native American casinos. It’s also terrible news if you live in Rhode Island or North Dakota, where the population of poker players isn’t enough to get a sit and go started, let alone support a real poker site.

It’s even bad news for us here in Minnesota, where it’s against the law to buy a car on Sunday and you can’t buy liquor after 10 p.m. We might as well be Utah, the way the state protects us from ourselves and makes laws based on religion. How the hell do we have people in control of our government that believe a giant man lives in the sky and gets angry when I jerk off? What the hell is wrong with people? I just want to play cards, pay my taxes, and be left alone. State’s rights my ass. It’s the state’s ability to take away my rights that’s the problem.

The other option, the federal legislation, is no better. The Barton Bill is bullshit, and has tons of extra bullshit written into it, and even if the feds decided to regulate online poker today, you know they would screw it up. We would end up playing limit Holdem with a max bet of $20 and a max deposit per week of $100, and the rake would be half of every pot. When did the feds ever get anything right?

In more annoying news, Party Poker is poised to be a big player in the new US market if it comes back. Now don’t get me wrong, I loved the fish fest that was Party Poker seven or eight years ago, but those folks at Party don’t give a damn about players and they aren’t going to come back into the US as conquering heroes and give us great games with low rake and fast cashouts. They bailed out on the US market early, screwed all their affiliates, and did everything they could to prevent me from getting rakeback. Just give me the old Party Poker and my 30% rakeback and I could make some real money, but apparently that was too easy.

Of course each online room will have to be paired with a live card room according to the Barton Bill. Like that is going to protect us. Everyone knows that if you want an honest and upstanding business, you just partner with a casino. Those brick and mortar casino operations are on the up and up and would never screw anyone right? Name me a major casino operation that would be an upgrade over PokerStars?

Maybe if we’re lucky, they will bring the Tapie Group and Howard Lederer to help Jack Binion run things for Party Poker. Then they can set something up where you deposit money and they immediately come to your house and shake you down for every nickel you have. Then they steal your identity, kill you to sell the organs, and set up a bot to pretend to be you on the Party Poker / Harrah’s / WSoP Online Poker World Championships. I can’t wait to see the mess these idiots are going to make of the “new” online poker.

And let’s not forget, all of the current options only allow you to play with other US players. Because we wouldn’t want all the pros in the US fleecing the new players in Asia as that market grows. A big influx of money to the US and an easing of the trade deficit? Nope, the dipshits in Washington don’t want any of that, especially not with all the tax dollars it would generate.

“So Karl” you may ask, “you are doing a lot of complaining, but do you have a solution to these problems?”

Yeah dumbass, of course I do.

Karl’s Online Poker Bill – HR102398756.7

If you want to offer online poker in the US, it will cost you a million a year for a license.

You must also keep the deposits in segregated accounts in a US bank.

We’re going to use that million bucks to check your RNG and make sure that you have those accounts segregated.

You also have to do a reasonable job making sure that no one under 18 plays on the site, and anyone who requests a ban gets it immediately.

We will also be using those millions to catch cheaters, and you have to report any cheaters that you catch. Anyone caught cheating will be prosecuted for fraud and their ass will go to jail.

If you don’t pay a player their money within 14 days of a cashout, we start dropping fines on you. Big fines.

Now wasn’t that easy? In five minutes I just wrote an online poker bill that would let everyone play who wanted to exercise their right to test themselves against others in a game of skill against other idiots from around the world and would protect them from the problems we have had with online poker over the last few years. Under this bill, Russ Hamilton would be in jail, and so would half the online pros who made a name for themselves multi-accounting. Full Tilt and UB wouldn’t have been able to screw all of their players, and we would all be enjoying online poker right now. I wouldn’t even be writing this. I would probably be playing Badugi with somebody from Taiwan right now.

Get your act together folks, if I can fix this problem in five minutes, the government should be able to do it within a few months for less than a hundred million in taxpayer money. You would think.

The “artistic” decisions necessary for success in NLH become easier and more mathematically sound when you are prepared, your opponents have been profiled, you play from position, you are patient, and you exercise pot control.  Combine these ingredients and you will Play Your Best.  Attempting to minimize the importance of these five skills, will inevitably lead to mistakes–and losses.

1. Preparation begins when you are at home, at the office, or traveling. It entails the vision to foresee developing circumstances, which means you are seldom surprised.  It means you have considered the potential alternatives before an important decision is required. Preparation also includes study, reading, meetings with coaches, and critically listening to the “gossip discussions” of other players. Preparation requires a “game plan” that will provide the balance of rest, diet, and exercise essential to maintain the alertness needed to focus on opponents. This focus will reduce surprises and mistakes. Preparation also implies that you anticipate the flop, turn, and river for potential opportunities and traps. Preparation means remembering that a tournament has stages, which stage you are currently playing through, and being able to anticipate the next stage before it arrives. Preparation enables the astute player to be the predator when deal-making time comes because he will know how to manipulate the best deal. Finally preparation means taking some time after your tournament ends to reflect, review, and be self analytical. I met former World Champion Brad Daugherty almost twenty years ago. His advice then is just as relevant now as it was then. He said that you must stay tuned into the game every minute, watching the other players, looking for their unique mannerisms, and noting the hands they turn up at the showdown.
2. Profiling is a mission. And your mission is to get free information from all your opponents. Profiling means focusing on the hands your opponents play, and the way they seem to think about them. It asks who is aggressive, and who is passive; who will defend their blinds, and who will not; who you can bluff, and who will call. It asks who is a calling station that you can value bet and which players come into pots with strong hands. Profiling obviously is the central ingredient of target marketing.
3. Position means you get information before you decide. Doyle Brunson is quoted as saying that NLH is a game of position.  I asked world famous Coloradan “Boston-Billy” Duarte what was the secret to poker and his one word answer still resonates: POSITION.  After winning his NLH WSOP main event championship Phil Helmuth was bragging that he could beat anyone heads up. Never shy about manipulating a good bet, Amarillo Slim conned Phil into a $5000 match with Slim having position throughout the match. Slim won easily and the lesson was not lost on Phil.  Years later he wrote that:  “Being able to act last is a huge advantage in all forms of poker.”
4. Patience is essential in NLH tournaments, and its primary ingredient is discipline. Remaining patient hour after hour, and in do or die situations, is not easy.  A lot of players become impatient because they have heard, or read, that you need to build a big stack. They try to force the action; they try to manufacture success. They take unnecessary risks and make ill advised bluffs. The math should offer some emotional assistance; if a tournament has 30 minute rounds you should get two good hands per round.  If you know that we get A/A every 220 hands; then you will get one of the top five pairs every forty-five hands.  A/K, A/Q,or A/J should appear in over 8% of the hands you are dealt.   Added together, at a full table, you should have a quality hand every 15 minutes.
5. Pot control is vastly underrated and clearly misunderstood. Some of the essential philosophical tenets of pot control theory are: “bets saved are just as important as bets won”…”you do not need to follow the leader, you can bet or raise the amount of chips that you believe is correct, no matter what your opponents may have done”…”bet only the amount necessary to accomplish your objective”… Hopefully, the inescapable conclusion is: the size of your bet depends on the types of opponents you are up against, and what you are trying to accomplish. Begin by putting your opponent on a range of hands.  Determine the equity value your hand has vs. those hands, and then attempt to to maximize your profit. ( REM = Range Equity Maximization )